Well I had a pretty good holiday, spent the time baking and cooking with my grandmother.. Hope everyone else enjoyed theirs as well!
So I was now deflowered, to go all medieval on you. I was quite taken with sex, and foreplay, it made me feel good. After years of being self conscious and made fun of, it felt good to be in control, in power. Now, we had been smoking plenty of weed at Krystal’s house, but it was decided that me and Lexi should try something harder.. We tried ecstasy for the first time.
I remember the night well, they got this type called pink moon, and they crushed it up, and put it in zig zags. They called it parachuting. So we both took it, and I could tell Lexi was feeling it, but I didn’t feel a thing. Supposedly, the first time you don’t really feel it much, which is how I found out that Lexi had done it before. I didn’t really think much of it, nor did I have the chance to do it again until much later…
No.. It’s not a book people!
December came, and with it no school for me. I got out earlier for Christmas because of the whole ‘You’re WAY too smart for us’ middle school, so I had a lot of time alone at my aunt and uncle’s house. One day, Ryan stopped by. I called my aunt to ask if I was allowed to go for a walk with him because he wasn’t allowed in the house with me all alone. She said I should wait until she got home, and then I could go. Well I didn’t listen. Ryan and I went for a walk down by the creek which is right by the house. It’s under a bridge and offers a little privacy, so Ryan decided to beg for me to go down on him. Not a very good idea, let me tell you.
I have never been so embarrassed in my life. Uncle Antonio came looking for me, and guess what he found? Yup. Needless to say, I got grounded. For a month. They said it was because I went out without my aunt being home like she had requested, but really? I doubt that, however supposedly Lexi was like 2 seconds behind my uncle when he caught us, and he proceeded to break down laughing after… Now, living with my mother equaled me never being grounded, so this was something I had to get used to. I felt abused, mentally, I was not allowed on the phone, nor the computer, as well as I was not allowed to watch the television, or go out.
This would be what I felt like during that time
Then Christmas came. I was still getting used to living with my aunt and uncle and cousins, and I used to be extremely shy (probably due to the bullying and low self esteem). My cousin Clark got CD players for myself and Lexi, but he didn’t wrap them; he hid them somewhere in the living room for us to find! I was so uncomfortable with going through their living room, that finally Clark got fed up, grabbed it out of its hiding spot, and practically threw it at me. I was so upset, I ran upstairs to mine and Lexi’s room, where I proceeded to cut myself for the first time. I had seen Lexi do it to her arm. I did it with a thumb tack, repeatedly scraping at my leg over and over, until I had carved the word HELP. Not very deep mind you. But cut nonetheless…
All the rage back then..
A Lesser Person 